We often take a person’s worst choice, lock it away in our minds, and keep defining them by it. We build walls from old memories of people and keep them confined to past failures or mistakes. But human beings were never meant to stay the same. We were made to move, to grow, and to transform. The scripture says, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: the old has gone, the new is here.” 2 Corinthians 5:17
When we refuse to let people outgrow their history, we fight against the very nature of spiritual growth. Living a deeply spiritual life means accepting that every single person we cross paths with is still being formed. Nobody is a finished project. If we truly want to see a shift in our homes, our jobs, and our neighbourhoods, we have to learn a difficult but necessary discipline: we must learn to extend grace for change.
Grace isn’t about being passive or looking the other way. It doesn’t mean we condone bad behaviour, and it certainly doesn’t mean we become doormats for injustice. True, spiritual grace is active and incredibly strong. It is the deliberate choice to give someone the breathing room and emotional safety they need to fix their lives.
Think of grace like the soil in a garden. You can’t drop a seed onto a concrete sidewalk and expect a flower to grow. The seed needs soft earth for the roots to expand. When we hold onto grudges and constantly bring up old mistakes, we are surrounding people with concrete. We make it impossible for them to grow, and then we wonder why they stay the same.
Extending grace means looking at someone who let you down and choosing not to hold them hostage to that moment. It requires an incredible amount of faith. You are choosing to trust in a better version of them that hasn’t even shown up yet. You are looking at them through a divine lens—not as a ruined mess, but as a person who is still being made whole.
True change is terrifying. It forces a person to look at their own darkness, break down their pride, and step into unfamiliar territory. When someone decides to turn their life around, they are already fighting a massive internal war. If they step out of that quiet struggle only to face a wall of suspicion and judgement from the people around them, they sometimes give up and run back to their old habits.
Our scepticism acts like a weight, pulling them back down into the exact problems they are trying to leave behind. We’ve all seen it happen. Someone tries to do better, only for a family member to say, “I’ve heard this story before. You’ll never change.” A casual comment like that can completely crush a person’s willingness to try.
When we offer grace, we help protect that fragile, painful process of starting over. This demands the deep patience found in Colossians 3:13: “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” Progress is rarely a straight line; it is a messy path of challenges. Grace provides the safety net that makes it okay to try again.
I read a story about Marcus, who was completely lost in a cycle of addiction and petty crime. He was angry and untrustworthy and had broken ties with everyone who ever cared about him. Things hit a breaking point when he broke into a small, neighbourhood youth centre, stole thousands of dollars of electronics, and wrecked the one safe spot local kids had. He was caught by the police a few days later.
The neighbourhood was furious and wanted him sent to prison for as long as possible. However, Evelyn, the woman who ran the centre, chose a completely different path. When she went to see Marcus in jail, she didn’t see a criminal who needed to be discarded; she saw a young man carrying years of unhealed trauma who had never known a safe day in his life.
Evelyn went against her board of directors and the police, refusing to press charges. Instead, she offered a deal: Marcus had to pay back what he stole by helping rebuild the centre. She didn’t just give him a break; she gave him responsibility. She handed him a set of keys and asked him to give his best. The first few months were incredibly tense.
Marcus messed up. He showed up late, lost his temper, and struggled with the pressure. The board begged Evelyn to let him go, saying people like him never change. But Evelyn wouldn’t budge. Every time Marcus braced himself for a fight, she offered kindness. Every time he expected to be yelled at, she gave him patience. She kept talking to the good man she knew was hidden underneath the anger.
One night, Marcus broke down in her office. He admitted that he had actually planned to rob the place again during his first week, but he couldn’t do it because Evelyn looked at him with respect—something he had never felt before. The grace Evelyn showed him changed his entire heart. Today, Marcus runs that very same youth centre, helping hundreds of kids stay off the streets. Her choice to give him room to change didn’t just save Marcus; it changed the future of the entire neighbourhood.
FROM TOXIC TO TRANSFORMED!
In another story, a brilliant but incredibly harsh executive at a major tech company, named Sarah, was driven by deep insecurities that made her a bully at work. She took credit for her team’s hard work, yelled at her staff, and ran her department through fear. She brought in a lot of money, so the company ignored it—until her behaviour caused a massive human resources crisis that went public.
The board wanted her fired immediately to protect the company’s image. However, the new CEO, Gabriel, led his company with principles found in Proverbs 3:3-4: “Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck… Then you will win favour and a good name in the sight of God and man.”
Gabriel called Sarah into his office. Instead of firing her, he sat down and asked a question she never expected: “What happened to you in your life that made you think you have to hurt people to succeed?” Sarah broke down and cried. She talked about a painful childhood and a past job where she was taught to be ruthless.
Gabriel gave her a choice, but he wrapped it in incredible grace: “I am taking you out of your current role for six months. You will keep your pay, but you must spend this time working with a therapist and an executive coach. I am investing in you because I believe you can be a great, kind leader. If you do the work to change, your job will be here.” It was a huge risk, and other executives were furious. For six months, Sarah did the hard internal work.
When she came back, she was a completely different person. The manager who used to rule through fear became the biggest protector of her team’s well-being. Her department became the most loyal in the company, and she ended up creating a leadership programme focused on empathy that other companies now copy. Gabriel’s choice to offer grace instead of a sack letter allowed a toxic manager to become an inspiring leader.
When you look at Marcus and Sarah, you realise that judgement only forces people to hide their flaws. Grace is what actually gives them the safety to heal. How do we practise this every day? Firstly, we have to watch our words. Stop labelling people permanently for temporary actions. Instead of calling someone a liar, I always tell people around me to simply say, “What you said is not the truth, but I know you are better than that.”
Secondly, we need to adjust our expectations. Change takes time. When someone is trying to do better, notice the small steps. Don’t look for perfection; look for effort. If they are trying to move forward, give them grace for the old habits they are still trying to drop; maybe 2, 3, 4, 5, or even 10 years of grace period as the case may be. Just as God does for us in Micah 7:18, “Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression… You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy.”
Finally, remember that giving grace to someone else is the only way we find peace ourselves. Every single one of us had made mistakes in the past. However, people look past our worst days and still believe in us. Every time you choose to give someone room to change, you stop a cycle of hurt. You break old family patterns and choose peace over getting even.
Stop defining the people around you with their past mistakes. Open up the conversation. Put away old grudges. Look at your family, your coworkers, or your friends with fresh eyes! Give them the time, the space, and the emotional safety they need to grow. Let go of your judgement, choose to have faith, and simply extend grace for change.
If you do this, I decree and declare a supernatural lifting with a life full of celebration, peace, favour, and joy in the Holy Ghost in Jesus’s name. May the Lord bless you and keep you; may the Lord make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you. May the Lord lift His countenance upon you and give you peace.
